December 2011
1 post
March 2011
1 post
January 2011
4 posts
December 2010
4 posts
NYE!
I will now attempt to recreate the makeover I got at the MAC counter at Bloomingdale’s with an assortment of Wet n Wild products purchased at Duane Reade. WATCH N LEARN.
November 2010
6 posts
UGH.
“I’ve written three books now, and while they throw money at you after awhile, I completed the Chelsea Chelsea Bang Bang book tour, went out every weekend and signed all those books, and I don’t know if I can do it again. I’m 35 years old, I’m tired. This is a different approach, getting all my friends and family involved, telling them how I’ve screwed them...
Adventures in Missed Connections: Sextosaurus...
I read Craigslist Missed Connections regularly but I especially love reading them after Halloween.
Looking For My Dinosaur Friend - m4w (Union Square)
Date: 2010-11-03, 11:00PM EDT Reply To This Post
After the Halloween parade, you stopped me in the street because I was a green dinosaur, just like you. I was so awestruck that all I could do is ask for a picture with you. Lets meet and have a...
Last Night's First Date
First Date Dude: "Can I ask you a question? And, like, I don't know if we're there yet?"
Me: "Totally."
First Date Dude, Pointing to My Nivea Lip Gloss: "Do you mind if I use some of that?"
October 2010
4 posts
September 2010
7 posts
Giving your vibrator a wireless plan and a fancy...
“I really want this new Verizon phone called the Fascinate.” - Roommate
1 tag
You're going to have to be more specific.
Saw You Staring At My Cock - m4w - 38
Date: 2010-09-21, 6:47PM EDT Reply To This Post
saw you trying to use x-ray vision to see through my pants. i had a bulge. get in touch.
Location: starbucks
it’s NOT ok to contact this poster with services or other commercial interests
PostingID: 1966473330
1 tag
Conversation In A Cab
Casey: So since you're biracial and Adriann's biracial, if you had a baby...
Jen: If we had a whatnow?
Casey: If you had a baby, would it just be...racial?
This is Why I Read Craigslist Missed Connections
Girl with EyePatch Scowling on the Downtown 6 - m4w - 30 (110th Street)
Date: 2010-09-09, 5:41PM EDT Reply To This Post
When I woke up from my train nap at 110th street on the downtown 6, you were sitting—hunched—across from me. You had on a glorious black eye patch over your left eye with a white butterfly printed in the center, which I first mistook for a skull and bones. I guess I...
1 tag
How To Steal 101
So my sister was at my apartment this weekend and farted around on my computer for like 20 minutes. When I took it back from her, she had downloaded about 834902849320 cool new songs to my itunes library. I don’t even have limewire or whatever on my mac (give me a break, man. I had a Dell in college. If I even tried to upgrade my AIM or whatever my computer was all like “F NO....
August 2010
10 posts
Has anyone seen my map to adulthood?
I seem to have misplaced it Saturday night when I took a wrong turn at Open Bar Boulevard.
Crappy Dates.
I can officially call going on bad dates “douching,” right?
NIGHTMARE
Last night I had a dream Beyonce died. My roommate walked into my room, told me the news, and then added “Maybe you can sell that weird piece of crap on ebay now.” (At this point I must have known it was a dream. Everyone who sees that hanging on my bedroom wall knows it’s badass ART.) Then we went dancing at some bar that looked and smelled like a basement and the DJ played...
ALSO
My updates have been scarce as of late but I just realized that I currently have TWO recent posts about Prince Eric from The Little Mermaid, which is fucking ridiculous.
July 2010
2 posts
High Five, Missed Connections Dude. →
June 2010
9 posts
This is EXACTLY what a crazy person would create. →
“Oh HIIII! When I’m not feeling my feelings and making youtube videos about being about bullied and celebrating cartwheels and whatever, I like to make earrings out of fish lures and cotton candy and feathers plucked from my boa collection!”
My HORRORscope
My “Weekend Update” via elle.com:
Who died and made you Perez Hilton? That snarky, or overly personal Facebook status update could damage another person’s reputation irreversibly. It’s unfortunate that the two of you had this clash, but when you announce the conflict to free world, you’re going beyond good taste, Aquarius. If you feel wronged, deal with it discreetly, in ways that...
Fox 5 News, You Slay Me.
The lead story for the 10 PM Fox 5 News was about Lindsay Lohan’s rearrest. The reporter reminded me of my next door neighbor back in New Jersey. He was all like “Yup, we’re here outside the courthouse now. Here’s the deal. Lindsay has this fancy bracelet on. And apparently this weekend at the MTV Popcorn Man awards it started blinking and buzzing, a lot like the thing at...
My debut stage play is going to be a one woman... →
(via sade)
I would watch the shit out of this one woman show. #truth #feelings #iljlolaifg
Fangirl Tuesday
An actor I’ve always had a crush on just started following me on Twitter. He only follows like, 75 people, so I’m fairly certain that A) he found my recent tweet about my friend’s overgrown beard to be incredibly hilarious and charming or B) he’s mistaken me for someone else and is following me on accident.
May 2010
13 posts
SIDE NOTE
Because I never remember who reads this, I was kidding about the pregnancy test. I don’t like, stock up on those or anything.
It’s a lot more fun to reenact that scene from Knocked Up when you think you’re pregnant. I prefer to run down the aisles of Duane Reed screaming like a banshee and then buy 80 different types of tests even though they cost $15 each and about 29 bottles...