My HORRORscope
My “Weekend Update” via elle.com:
Who died and made you Perez Hilton? That snarky, or overly personal Facebook status update could damage another person’s reputation irreversibly. It’s unfortunate that the two of you had this clash, but when you announce the conflict to free world, you’re going beyond good taste, Aquarius. If you feel wronged, deal with it discreetly, in ways that might truly affect change. It’s not altogether out of the question to consider a face-to-face meeting with the perpetrator some time in the future, once your temper has cooled down. On Saturday, a new moon in your passionate, creative fifth house leaves you pregnant with possibilities…and possibly more. If babymakin’ is on your 2010 To Do list, enjoy a fertile weekend in the sack. If not, well, you know what preventative measures to take.
Damn. First of all, I can’t imagine who I would be calling out on facebook since I’m not 15 years old. I’m more upset that Elle would be all like, “You just love drawing lame ass Microsoft paint cum dribbles on your frienemies faces, don’t you, Aquarius? You Bitch!” Elle, for real? Thought you knew me.
Also, this is about the third or fourth time Elle has called out my slutty tendencies in my HORRORscope and threatened getting preggers as a consequence of said slutty-ness. Every couple of weeks it will say something like “Hey, Aquarius! Know how you get ready to go out and you shimmy on your freakum and you look in the mirror, you’re checking yourself out and you’re like ‘Oh DAMN, shorty got it GOIN ON’? Well, one day, your ass is going to be pregnant and no random ass hookup gonna go dutch with you on the smasmortion bill.”
Thanks for keeping me in check, Elle HORRORscope.
